Emotionless
by loveisalie
Summary: Draco writes a letter to his father in Azakaban. RR


_A/n ---- okay, I was sitting at home listening to my GC cd and then I realized, I felt bad for Draco. So I wrote this, hope you like it. (The lyrics represent the letter)_

**_Disclaimer- I don't own the song or the character (well, except for the ones you don't recognize!) _**

_Emotionless_

Draco Malfoy sat down at his desk. Sweeping the blonde hair out of his eyes, the 18 year old began to write a letter. He needed to say what he had too. It was important to him.

_Hey Dad I'm writing to you  
Not to tell you, that I still hate you_

Draco sighed. How long had it been since he had seen his father? Nearly 2 years! He stopped talking to him when his father wanted him to get the Dark Mark. He was still in school! He didn't want it! 

_Just to ask you how you feel  
And how we fell apart how this fell apart_

He wondered where his dad was. All the Death Eaters where in hiding since the Dark Lords finale fall, last year. None of the bodies had been identified from the final battle. There were many people missing. Like that boy, Bill Weasley, he hadn't been found... yet.  
_  
Are you happy out there in this great wide world?_

Draco thought about his little brother. He had died last year in the finale battle. Poor Alex. Also, his little sister had died in it too. He missed Hope's laugh, her cheer, her determination.

_  
Do you think about your sons?  
Do you miss your little girl? _

Draco wondered how anyone who left their family to die could sleep at night. He hoped his father couldn't. He hoped he wouldn't sleep for the rest of his life. Not after what he had done. 

_  
When you lay your head down how do you sleep at night?  
Do you even wonder if we're all right?_

He wondered if his father cared if they were all right? Probably not. He had been let down so much he didn't expect it.

_  
We're alright  
We're alright_

He had been teased at Hogwarts. Teased for having a father that was a Death Eater. His house even turned their backs on him! And, he wondered what his father was doing while him and his mother cried for Alex and Hope._  
  
It's been a long hard road without you by my side  
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?_

His mother's heart lay shattered on the floor. No one, not even himself, could consol. her. He had murdered his children. He was a murderer! He hated his father. He should. At least him and his mum were all right.

_  
You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life  
It's not OK but we're alright_

He remembered when his dad bought Slytherin the new brooms. What a hero! What a memory! It would never be the same. Not even if he found him.

_I will remember the days you were a hero in my eyes  
But those were just a long lost memory of mine_

He had learned where to hide at Hogwarts. The survival of the smartest, he called it. He was writing this letter to make a point. He could live.

_I spent so many years learning how to survive  
Now I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive_

He hardly ate. What was there to live for? Why should he be happy? Who was there to live for? His tattoo's showed all the pain and hate. And, they showed love and peace. His favorite one was one he never showed anyone, it said: _I only live for Alex's Hope_. It had been a joke, Alex was a year older than Hop so they always called her Alex's Hope. Though this time, it was for them both.

_The days I spent so cold, so hungry, were full of hate  
I was so angry, the scars run deep inside this tattooed body There's things I'll take to my grave, but I'm OK, I'm OK_

Draco couldn't remember how much he had loved his father. It wasn't a lot, even when he was there. How could he? They cried to sleep a lot. Was he ever there to comfort them? No, of course not. He killed his own children for Christ's sake! It wasn't okay, but who cared, they were. He used to be a role model, someone important. Now what was he? A useless father? He couldn't have possibly had wanted that when he first became a father. Could he? It didn't matter, he only had memories, and those were fading fast. He was still alive he beat the odds. But he was a Malfoy; no one should doubt a Malfoy.

_It's been a long hard road without you by my side  
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?  
You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life  
It's not OK but we're alright  
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes  
But those were just a long lost memory of mine  
Now I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive  
I'm still alive_

Draco sighed. He knew how to forgive. He had forgiven Harry, and they had been enemies since they met! That was one memory that hadn't faded, the day they met. Draco knew he was a stuck up snob. Draco couldn't help but admit, he missed his father, even after what the guy had done.

_  
Sometimes I forgive, yeah and this time I'll admit  
That I miss you, said I miss you  
  
_Life had been long for the last 2 years. Hard too. They cried for a month after the finale battle. Draco had even started thinking life, as a ferret had been better.He wished the man would come back, just for his mothers' broken heart. But, wishes never came true, not for him At least.His hero, his role model, but a memory.He made it through life's ups and downs. On his own. He was still alive.

_It's been a long hard road without you by my side  
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?  
You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life  
It's not OK but we're alright  
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes  
But those were just a long lost memory of mine  
Now I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive_

A single tear rolled down his check. He wiped it away hastily. He missed his father. He admitted it. He missed his role model, his dad. He missed happiness. __

_And sometimes I forgive, yeah and this time I'll admit  
That I miss you, I miss you...hey Dad_

~*~*~ Somewhere Thousands of miles away*~*~*~

Malfoy senior looked at the letter. It was from Draco, his only child left. For the first time since the word of the deaths of Alex and Hope, he broke down. Sobbing. He missed him too...

_A/n — I think that sucked, oh well. R&R and thanks to my beta My Lil' Angel. _

**~*Beta Note*~ Glad to say that your commas didn't kill me this time I only had to correct two of them. People be nice to her and have a _HAPPY NEW YEAR!_**


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